Well, I am getting closer to surgery . . .
but it looks like I am not going to get my spring veggies in the ground. Unfortunately, last night I ended up in the ER, back problems, that have become terribly worse in the past day or so. I had a spinal block for my legs on Thursday, but don't think that had much to do it. I think that another of the discs is moving, starting to rupture the sac. Right now, the pain is about like it was in the week or so before I last ruptured a disc, last February.I am depressed about my veggies, I was hoping to get some of the onions, lettuce and beets in the ground for me and Mom.
She is tired of taking care of me and I don't blame her. I am tired of hurting and having to rely on others to do simple things for me. Although, I think she is still on laundry strike, regarding my clothes. A couple of days ago, I may have managed them, but now I can't and I am not going to ask her because she is already mad at me and I don't want to make her any more mad than she is.
I am back on the depressed side, though, I had been feeling much better recently, with all the nice weather. I almost could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Every time I was outside, it seemed all was right with the world, Charleigh-Anne was the greatest and I felt like I was actually doing a good job being a mother. I have always had self-esteem issues, always judging myself, probably more harshly than other judged me. Right now though, I feel like there has been a rock slide in the tunnel on both ends and I am trapped in the middle of it in a deep darkness. I just can't take much more of this. I am just tired of all of it.
posted by Unknown @ 4/01/2006 06:10:00 PM
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