Life in West Virginia

Sunday, May 06, 2012

Yes, I have lapsed. In blogging, in communicating with people. In following through. I couldn't quite get past that post that I wrote on the 28th of January and the gut wrenching troublesome darkness whose tale I foretold. I encountered a block shortly thereafter for putting words to paper so to speak; found it difficult to even go forward with the blog after the events that transpired once I wrote those prophetic phrases so carelessly.

Enough drama. So, the water pipes busted. Been without running water for nearly two weeks. But the buckets of rain which that nagging in me about the house and the fact that my yard is smaller, steeper, rockier, muddier in some place all combine to fuel my "racing thoughts" and manic like behavior at times has kept me in a few 5 gallon buckets of water to at least flush the commode. Of course, only after I dump most of it out so as to enable me to CARRY it inside.

Anyone know anyone that would like some free hay? I have some in my front yard free to anyone that would like to come and bail it. Literally. Hay. I used to be able to mow all of it with the riding mower but it is impossible now. I had to go and spend money I need to fix my Explorer. What's that? Oh, yeah, wrecked the Explorer the night after writing that there entry about how STRONG was I going to have to be. Yeah, no insurance coverage. Relatively minor damage to it, slammed my face off steering wheel and had some nice head trauma going on for about 5 weeks. Couldn't really take care of myself but, you know, I love my Mom and she loves me but I wasn't staying there. Kim, oh oh Kim my man. Thank you Lord for allowing me to make the right decision to NOT have my neck surgery. But I am really trying hard to let this go but people are not making it easy on me. I was reading Billy Graham of all people, about letting go of bitter anger, some steps to overcome it, just a small excerpt got me to thinking of all of the anger I have been holding onto.

Every destructive emotion bears its own harvest, but anger's fruit is the most bitter of all. Uncontrolled anger is a devastating sin, and no one is exempt from its havoc. It shatters friendships and destroys marriages; it causes abuse in families and discord in business; it breeds violence in the community and war between nations. Its recoil, like that of a high-powered rifle, often hurts the one who wields it as well as its target. Anger makes us lash out at others, destroying relationships and revealing our true nature. The history of the human race is largely the history of its anger.

you can read here from "The Journey".

But my anger at Kim has not spawned so much from his actions insomuch as the actions he was forced into. I may be driven by anger at this point but it is only because I feel that he has had so much taken from him undeservedly so and in a treacherous, sinful way.

"Whose hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness shall be shewed before the whole congregation."

Proverbs 26:26

There is no deceit in my hatred.

"Better is the poor that walketh in his uprightness, than he that is perverse in his ways, though he be rich."

Proverbs 28:6

Perverse is not the word I am looking for but . . . it suits the man.

That is all I can say right now about that.