Life in West Virginia

I have to admit, I have been chilly today but geezy begeezy it's freakin' colder than a dead witch's tit here. It's 25 but feels like 21 according to weather channel. I said this afternoon when is was 41 I thought it felt like it was 10. I have long johns on under my jeans, two shirts and knit gloves with the little flappy things that flip up so I can type. Seriously. I am not trying to be funny. Well, I am trying to be funny, but I do have them on.

THEN, freaking coyotes started off yipping and howling about 1 1/2 hrs ago and that sent chills that haven't gone away. Mother Nature has to be funny and it's supposed to be 52 tomorrow, Sunny and then Thursday a high of 38, 70% rain and a low of 28 that following night. WTF.

I am staying at Mom's again. It's a lot of a drama to delve into and I am tired of drama and that's way I am here. I am sick of other peoples' toxicity rubbing off on my life, making me miserable, just because they all are and I ended it. The funny thing was it wasn't just one or two people either. I had surrounded myself with people that are miserably unhappy and wanted me to be too so they could feel better about their dysfunctional lives. My pellet stove needs repaired, along with my neck and back, I had my walls almost washed all the way off, carpets shampooed and got my MRI.

I had been removing myself from these situations and people for several weeks. Then the strangest things happened . . . when it was mostly over, out of the blue, I had 4 different friends, that are all pretty happy, in good places in their lives, that I hadn't really talked to in awhile, contact me over 3 or 4 days. Then today, I received a very touching letter from Louise Johnson, who babysat me until I went to preschool and lived across the street when I was growing up but her family was much more than that to us. She just said she had to hear from the "sweet little girl from Meadow Drive that my Dad and Danny and Paul and I thought so much of you." I mean, it touched me so much. They live in FL. I have seen Paul or Louise since I was a teenager and Danny since I was in my late 20's or early 30's when he came to visit his sister.

I was at her house the day Ronald Reagan was shot. (latch key kid) When her Dad stayed with her, I would go and hang out with this 90 year old man (Grandpa Graham) after school on the front stoop. Her husband took me roller skating every weekend because he worked in the skate room, doing the repairs as his retirement job. Their son was disabled from polio and suffered from grand mal seizures, a grown man though, lifted weights with his good arm, arm wrestled but when I badly cut my foot on a broken mason jar, I can still see him running through 3 backyards faster than any of those 13 year old boys could have, to get my mother.

It's the second time in 4 days that I have received a letter from someone telling me how much I mean to them. I didn't want to live a week ago. I mean, not kill myself, but didn't want to go on anymore.

So, I have decided that God has sent me signs that he will forgive me for not keeping my promise to Gordon to help Kim take care of his Grandfather, should something happen to Gordon. I don't want to leave Kenneth. I love him as if he was my Grandfather. He asked me tonight if I was staying there or going to my Mom's and I couldn't tell him I wasn't coming back. But I don't think that God would expect for me to live with someone so mentally and emotionally abusive. So controlling over my life.

He cut all of my friends and family from my life. Even my own daughter. He made it clear that he didn't approve that I didn't beat her ass one time because she didn't put the post it notes down the first time I said so and started drawing on them. I told him, it's just fucking paper. I have five more pads. Why get mad over post-it notes? I bought them, they are mine! He didn't want her to be happy there, get satellite so she would have something to do while I tried to do dishes, feed his Grandfather, fix lunch, dinner, clean shit of the toliet, throw clothes in the laundry, assure Ken that Kim was just outside or in the living room or he'd be right back, he went to Rockport Store or getting Ken milk just whatever, I am not bitchin about the little things I did, just that Kim figured I'd leave her at Mom's if it was harder for me with her there. . . he didn't want her there. That's why he wouldn't get satellite; didn't want the swing set, the playhouse, etc.

I tried to explain to him that I didn't want her growing up thinking it was okay for someone to beat on you. I don't want her getting beat up by her old man. I don't think he got it. But I don't know if he realizes him beating Kristen's ass is a connection to her abuse from her boyfriend or ex or whatever. I don't know if he knows the dude did it.

I bought Punk a pair for $15 too, so, don't be sending nasty letters. My boots will last for many years. Her boots may last for 4 months.